Here are some real, actual small talk questions I’ve used lately:
1. “So, who are you guys using for your taxes this year?”
2. “What’s your deductible like with Health Partners? Is there a co-pay?”
3. “What sort of productivity tools are you using? What’s your on-boarding process for new clients?”
Did you just give yourself a migraine from eye rolls? Are you thinking “Wow, I thought Sarah seemed cool(ish) BUT CLEARLY I WAS MISTAKEN.”
Yes? Because those are the very thoughts that I had when I tuned into my own conversations. Between icky gossip, taxes, and real estate, I’ve inadvertently allowed most of my conversations to derail into Snoresville, population me + this person I’m talking to.
Conversations – even small talk with strangers – can be an opportunity to connect with our fellow humans, learn new things, or make a new buddy. If we stay away from boring topics or things that bring out our less-than-best-self (mean-spirited gossip or super negative stuff) conversations can be the start of something beautiful.
But where does one start? How does one go about having better, more positive, more meaningful conversations? It starts with better questions.
HERE ARE 16 BETTER SMALL TALK QUESTIONS THAT MIGHT JUST LEAD TO AWESOME THINGS.
(P.S. A huge thank you to my Facebook buddies for helping me brainstorm these!)
SMALL TALK QUESTIONS IF YOU’RE TRYING TO BE POLITE, PROFESSIONAL, OR YOU DON’T KNOW THE PERSON SUPER WELL
“What are you reading/watching/listening to that I need to know about?”
Left to my own devices, I’d just watch Broad City repeats and listen to that one Everclear album
from 1997 over and over. It’s so enriching and important to read/watch/listen outside of our comfort zones! Asking people this question gives them an opportunity to showcase their excellent taste and act the expert. It also gives you an opportunity to learn about awesome new things!
Related: I’m reading this, watching this, and listening to this.
“What’s awesome in your life right now?”
It’s so, so easy for conversations to take a turn towards the negative – why work sucks, how bad the weather’s been, exactly how much we’re dreading tax season. When we start a conversation on a positive note, it will (hopefully) continue in that direction. In a perfectly polite world, your conversation partner will also ask you about what’s awesome in your life and you’ll have an opportunity to voice all the things you’re grateful for. Lovely!
“What cool non-work projects are you working on right now?”
Dudes, I’m not going to bore you with my work-related projects and I ask that you return the favor. But I do want to know about how you’re training your bunny for agility competitions, prepping for a long trip, or learning Japanese. It’s inspiring to hear what people are learning, trying, and undertaking – hearing what other people are up to can give us a nudge to start our own New Thing.
“You know a lot about __________, right? What do you think I should do about _________?”
People loooooove being asked for advice.* It makes us feel smart, capable, and helpful. So ask your super stylish friend how you should wear this oddly-sized scarf. Ask the amateur brewer what pairs well with Blue Moon. Ask the devoted Dog Mom what you should do with your hyper puppy.
* Not professional advice. Let’s all agree not to ask our accountant friends about deductibles when they’re just trying to find the best slice of cheddar on the cheese tray.
“What are you getting up to this weekend?”
Easy, obvious, inoffensive.
“You live in [neighborhood/city], right? Where should I eat/what should I do when I’m over there?”
Yet another opportunity to gather useful information for yourself and allow your conversation partner to feel awesome, smart, and useful!
P.S. If you find yourself in South Minneapolis, you should go to Melo Glaze for the peanut butter bombs, Minnehaha Falls for the, um, waterfall, and Book Trader because it is exactly as weird as you think.
“Oh, my gosh. You will not believe what happened to me!”
I think that one of the best, easiest ways to break through small talk foolishness is to extend the olive branch. And by ‘olive branch’ I mean ‘share a funny, interesting, personal-ish story about yourself first, to show this person that this is how you conversationally roll.”
I will tell my Richard Simmons story to anyone who will listen. I will also tell everyone, ever that Segways are awesome and blowfish sake isn’t.
Now, I don't want to overwhelm your inbox with all 1,600+ words of this post, so if you'd like to learn 9 more small talk questions (particularly questions for close friends or when you're feeling bold) they're this a' way >>>
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